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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707671">Sex by the 1975</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/backwardsun/pseuds/backwardsun'>backwardsun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cheating, College Parties, F/M, Finn???, Hurt/Comfort, Hux is a business major w a film minor, I don't know how to write it but it's there, I don't know why I think everyone is an arts major, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo is undecided, Multi, Neither is Kylo, Not Beta Read, OR IS IT, Pining, Poe does film, Possessive Kylo Ren, Reader Insert, Reader isn't a great person, Reader-Insert, Rey is an architecture student, Slight Smut, Unrequited Love, and drug partaking, drug mention, needy Kylo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:08:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/backwardsun/pseuds/backwardsun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The silence that creeps in again isn’t uncomfortable, but Kylo is antsy. The last shot he took is still warm in his belly and the light is framing you in such a beautiful way that he’s afraid he might say something stupid. He steps up to you, gently, and pushes some hair behind your ear, letting his hand linger there. You keen into his touch, closing your eyes at the softness and hum your encouragement. Your face is titled up towards his and Kylo can’t stop himself.</p><p>OR</p><p>Kylo loves you so much it hurts, and you....</p><p>(flexible POV, mostly Kylo's)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Poe Dameron/Reader, Poe Dameron/You, brief Rey/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sex by the 1975</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've written for several years but never had the courage to post it. I love angst and Kylo, here's a lot of both of those things.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kylo is warm as he waits for her. Sweating slightly in his t-shirt but sitting through it anyway. He fiddles with his phone as he waits, too, scrolling through Instagram blindly per usual. He waits and waits and waits and</p><p>You snip open the door, slinging yourself into the passenger seat and leaning to toss your bag over the center console. It lands in the back with a <em> plop </em>, and Kylo watches you turn around, shut the door against the wind. You rub your hands together, close to the heater, and your nose is pink at the tip. Chaffed from the cold. </p><p>“Hi-“ He greets, glancing at you once again before pulling the car into reverse. He slips out of the spot and into the line of traffic leaving the parking lot. You tuck your hair behind your ears like he likes. </p><p>“Hello,” You reply finally, turning to face him in your seat but still buckled. His cheek twitches as you watch him, and he swallows carefully. “Today sucked.” </p><p>He nods so you know he’s listening, right hand flexing around the gear shift. He wants to grab your hand, link it with his while he drives. His fingers ache with the need. You talk, as you always do, telling him about your day and the dumbass who sits next to you in your English class. You take your shoes off to sit cross-legged on his seat. Kylo drives to the coffee shop by his house, buys you tea like always, sits in the car to drink it like always. He’s watching you, like always, but you don’t seem to notice.</p><p>It’s quieter now, the car is warm so the heater is low, and his playlist plays gently in the background. It’s one with all your favorite songs, his too, and he watches as you lean your head back against the seat, eyes closed. You mouth the words and he watches your lips move, watches as your tongue darts out to wet your lips. Catching him then, you smile gently, plotting no doubt. You sit up, hands still wrapped around your cup, and lean towards him, crossing the space of the console.</p><p>Kylo watches you, breathes your name as you get closer, and reaches his hand out for you. Lets his mouth touch yours, lets his tongue meet yours, pulls you so you’re almost tempted to cross over and sit in his lap. You don’t.</p><p>You kiss like this for what feels like hours. <em> Ten minutes </em> Kylo notes as you pull back finally, breathless and cheeks pink. You don’t get far, his hand is on the back of your head and bringing you closer. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth, bites it gently. The gasp he pulls from you is music to his ears, he wants more. His other hand reaches for your waist, you’ve been sitting on your knees to reach him. He grips your hip, begins tugging you across, closer to him. Your knee bumps his thigh and he groans into your mouth, longing no longer.</p><p>You pull away, climbing back into your seat.</p><p>Kylo pushes down his frustration, wills away his erection, and slips the car into reverse. </p><p>He drives in the opposite direction, away from his place and to yours. He’s so close though, could just take you home, but he doesn’t. You wink as you step out of the car, bag slung over your shoulder. Your cheeks are still pink and Kylo wishes he was holding them again.</p><p>The door shuts.</p><p>He drives back home. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>The next time Kylo sees you, Poe’s arms are wrapped around your waist. Your pretty hand is on his chest and you’ve stretched up to kiss him. He looks away, avoids having to <em> watch </em>, and begins walking in the opposite direction. You catch him anyway, see his shaggy hair and dark coat and call his name. He hesitates for a second, stalling to calm his anger, and turns to see your face, only yours.</p><p>Kylo walks up as you beckon him, stands stiffly across from you and Poe in line for lunch. He lets you chatter, watches as you gaze up to Poe frequently as you talk. His arm is possessive against your waist and that makes Kylo smile. He feels threatened. He decides, then, to eat lunch with you two. Sits across the table from you, and sees Poe scoot your chair that much closer to him. He curls his fist in his lap when Poe lays his hand over the back of your chair, too, watches as he moves your face towards him for a kiss. That one Kylo sees. </p><p>The conversation is stilted, always is, guided by you, always so unaware.</p><p>Kylo lets Poe watch as he leans across the table, spoon in one hand and other palm cupped under it. Lets Poe watch as he holds your chin to feed you a bite of his soup. Lets Poe see his thumb swipe over your lip as a drip leaks out from between them. You groan at the taste, it <em> was </em> delicious. Kylo leaves after that, decides he’s finished fucking with Poe, and promises to pick you up tomorrow like he always has. Poe is still stiff, still furious, and Kylo smiles as he turns to leave. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>It rains the next day and you’re caught unprepared, soaked to the bone as you get into the car. Kylo <em> tried </em> to park closer, but that didn’t save you from walking the courtyard. </p><p>He watches you shiver as he pulls out of the space, turns the heater as high as it can go. He’s driving but he lifts his hand from the gear, turns quickly to snatch his coat and drape it over you. It smells like him, he knows this, he listens to you inhale a little deeper as it covers you completely. </p><p>You’re still cold.</p><p>Kylo drives straight home this time, holds his jacket over your head as you both run inside.</p><p>He opens his closet, you’re still shivering behind him, and pulls a shirt off the hanger. His favorite. Watches as you strip out of your wet shirt and quickly put his on. Watches you unhook your bra and pull it through a sleeve. Watches you struggle to pull wet jeans over your hips. He should offer you pants too, but he doesn’t. His warm hands cover yours and you jolt, tense slightly and then relax. He rolls your jeans down your thighs, lets you balance on his shoulder as you step out of them. His hands run back up your legs, <em> to warm them </em>, stops just under the hem of his shirt at the apex of your thighs. </p><p>Kylo pulls away, begrudgingly, but you’d never done <em> this </em> before. He steps away, lets you watch as he pulls his own shirt over his head. Feels your eyes on his back as the muscles move. He throws your clothes and his shirt into the dryer, doesn’t change into another one. You follow him back into his room, to his bed, and you lean against the pillows at the headboard. The tv is turned on, loud enough to hear but not loud enough to drown out the rain. It’s cozy, warm in his space, and he wiggles his way beside you as an episode of something plays. </p><p>He isn’t watching, is thinking about how good his shirt looks on you. He wants you, like always. Wants to taste or touch or - </p><p>His hand finds its way to your thigh, rests there hot and comfortable. He feels your gaze on him, sees you bite your lip in his peripheral, but as far as you can tell he is engrossed in the tv. Kylo lets his chest rumble with a deep laugh, knows you can feel it with his body so close to yours. He doesn’t know what the fuck the joke was, but the laugh track was enough cue for him. His thumb rubs circles into your leg, tempting and hot, <em> hot </em> touch. He doesn’t reach for you, though, let’s you decide how things will </p><p>You straddle him, thighs warm around his and the breath is knocked out of him. He doesn’t breathe before your mouth meets his, before he forgets to need air and kisses you with sweet desperation. He licks into your mouth, meets your tongue, and lets his hand glide from your hips down and down until his hands grip your ass. He lifts you slightly with that grip, coaxes you into tilting your mouth down the slightest more. Your moan lets him continue.</p><p>It’s under his shirt now, his hand, rubbing against the soft lace and holding you close, so close. Kylo knows he’s hard under you, knows you can feel the length of him grow as your hips shift against him. He does that. Moves you on his lap for the sweet friction he’s been dreaming of. He drags his fingers down, down the lace and to your center, lets his fingers graze the damp fabric. Slides his middle finger further until he can feel it, your clit, rubs a rough circle around it. </p><p>You tense again, frozen after your hips jolted from the touch. Electric. Kylo knows you felt it, felt the heat and the friction. Runs another circle around your sensitive spot as he pulls your lip between his teeth. </p><p>There’s space now, between you both, your hand is on his chest and your chin tilted into his shoulder. You breathe there, into his neck, catching whatever air you had missed when you started. His hand is still there, under his shirt and between your legs. It does not move, but the weight remains. His lips find your ear. </p><p>“Let me touch you.” He whispers there, and the shiver drags down your spine. “Let me get my fucking fingers in that wet pussy.”</p><p>Your nod is slow, careful, Kylo doesn’t move until you complete the motion. He listens as you whimper out a <em> please </em>, so quiet he almost didn’t hear it. You’re on your back now, Kylo pressed between your legs. He lays on his tummy, cock pressed thick against his leg. For a second he grinds into his comforter, lays his head on your thigh to breathe in the sweet smell of</p><p>He doesn’t take your panties off, moves them just enough to the side to get his tongue in</p><p>The way your legs shake against his palms is enough to make him cum. The taste of you is enough to make him cum. His tongue makes a path from the very bottom of you, trailing up slowly to your clit. He sucks it into his mouth, hums his pleasure as you buck into his face again. He keeps one hand on your left thigh, uses it to spread your legs every time they try to shutter close. His other hand travels down, tugs his jeans a little to give him some space to grow, to lessen the harsh friction against his length. He pulls back momentarily to spit, watching it drip down your lips and settle right where his fingers were aimed to catch it. Swirls the wetness around your little hole and dips in slightly. He’s teasing himself, teasing you, knows that if he continues he won’t be able to stop. </p><p>You watch him through hooded eyes, one hand fisted in his hair and the other clutching the collar of his shirt around your neck. His eyes meet yours, asking for permission again, dragging his thick digit through your folds. The callous on his finger stimulates you in a way you’ve never felt. Kylo watches you nod, watches your bottom lip get sucked between your teeth. The flesh pales slightly from the force of your bite and his focus goes back to your pussy, still sopping for him. </p><p>He pushes a finger in, slowly as he can, lets your tightness suck him in and drag him closer to</p><p>He cums in his pants, a strained groan leaving his lips, he presses it into your thigh in the form of a bite. </p><p>You’re so wet here, soft and warm and another finger joins his first as your walls stretch against him. He’s getting hard again, obsessed with the way you grip him, obsessed with the way your moans sound above his head. His pace is faster, fucking up into you with gradual vigor and his gaze finds your face. Your eyes have rolled back, a shame, Kylo wants desperately to watch you watch him as you come apart on his fingers. The way you clench indicates your closeness, you tighten impossibly more around him and Kylo moans again. The sound vibrates around your clit, where his mouth returned to. He knows you’re close, wants to feel you cum around him so he can lick it up, can feed it to you from his fingers. </p><p>He stops anyway, cooing against your whines of displeasure. He sticks his fingers in his mouth, sucks the sweetness of you from them and then some. Crawls up your body and cages you in. </p><p>One hand stops by your head, holds his body weight as he reaches down to unbutton his pants, slides them over his hips just enough to get his cock free. It’s warm in his hand, sticky from his release but hard. He strokes it a few times for the relief, moans his feelings into your neck before sucking a kiss into it. He wants to bruise you, wants you to go home to Poe and show him what you’ve done. He sucks harder for a second before you push his head back. It’s gentle, always is, but a fire simmers in his belly. Jealousy wells in his chest, sits there, chokes him. </p><p>You wouldn’t let him mark you, he knew that, but this time had been different from all the others. </p><p>He leans forward then, hand still guiding his cock, and smears its head against your clit. The feeling is like nothing he’s felt before, electric and hot and wet wet we-</p><p>He drags it down to your entrance, can feel it weep as it spreads just slightly for him. Kylo holds himself back, lets himself get used to the feeling of you so close to him, of being so close to what he’s always- His hips push forward, slow slow slow, the tip brushes your folds and he feels the resistance of your tight cunt, is shaking from the effort to not slam into you, make you feel everything he has to give you.</p><p>Your phone rings then, vibrating against the comforter from where it sat by your head, forgotten. Kylo glances up quickly, spots the photo of you and Poe wrapped around each other at the aquarium. Jealousy roars in his ears again and Kylo feels himself push forward, aching to sink into you and remind you who you belong</p><p>“Kylo, no…”</p><p>You push him off, sliding yourself further up the bed and him in the opposite direction. Kylo sits on his calves, cock hard and red and angry in his hand, furry on his face. </p><p>You don’t catch it as you sit up, take a shuddering breath, and reach for the phone. Don’t see his agony as you answer it, plopping yourself onto the ground and making your way out of his room. Don’t see the way he sits there, hand still wrapped around himself as you pad down the hallway. </p><p>“Baby,” he hears you whisper as you go, hears you start up a shaky, quiet conversation with <em> him. </em></p><p>The dryer dings then, it’s soft, stupid melody blaring from the laundry room beside his own. Kylo gets up, shoves his cock back into his damp underwear, punches the wall near his bed with quiet frustration. His knuckles are busted, he can feel where the skin split, where the blood drips from between them.</p><p>He leans his head against the cool panel and breathes</p><p>Breathes deep so that it fills his chest, down to his toes. </p><p>He calms the voice in his head that reminds him that you should be his, that you were wet and warm and ready for his cock and he was going to give it to you. Press his length into you, feed your needy cunt every inch until you writhed on top of him. Begged him to make you cum too.</p><p>Your footsteps and soft voice bring him back. Snap him from that place where he wants and takes and</p><p>Your feet pad as you walk from the other side of his house, still talking to Poe, arguing about gods knows what. And who cares? There’s tension in your voice that he was sure he could fuck out of you. Wants to-</p><p>“Then come get me, fuck, just come pick me up if you’re so worried that- What? No, don’t be an idiot I- okay, come get me.”</p><p>Poe was coming <em>here</em>? The rage simmers underneath his ribs. Kylo imagines cracking his fist against Poe’s jaw, of snapping the bone and watching the blood spill from</p><p>He’s sitting on the bed when you return, phone cupped in his too big hands as he pretends to type or scroll or something. His hair is mussed up in a romantic way, wild and dark and</p><p>“What happened to your hand?”</p><p>You’re on your knees in front of him, soft fingers grabbing his phone and tossing it away so you can examine his knuckles. The skin is busted and tender, angry pink and Kylo watches your brow furrow in concern. </p><p>He snatches his hand away, doesn’t mean to but he does. Scoots across the bed slightly, just away from where you still rested so he can stand. He knows you watch as he leaves the room, he only goes next door. The dryer is hot as he opens it, digs into the mostly empty basin and fishes out your clothes. They’re still the slightest bit damp, but they’re warm too. He makes his way back to his room and finds you sitting on his bed watching whatever was still on the tv. You glance as he renters, notice his height and the way he holds his shoulders. Notice that his bloody hand is holding your clothes from the day. Kylo sits beside you, pushes the warm clothes onto your lap and says nothing.</p><p>He tries his hardest to focus on the tv as you change beside him, he knows your breasts are exposed now, he hadn’t seen them before. He fights the urge to turn his head and suck a nipple into his mouth, to pull your jeans back down your legs and fuck you anyway.</p><p>He can’t even see you in his peripheral. </p><p>“Poe is here.” You say finally, breaking the minutes-long silence. Kylo shuts off the tv, stands to walk you out of the door. His hand brushes yours as you walk close together in the hallway, and he pulls back like he’s been burned. Poe i<em>s</em> there, idling in front of the driveway. The rain has stopped but everything is still wet, he’s perched on the hood of his car anyway. His ass must be damp. Kylo feels, strangely, like a divorced parent. </p><p>Feels like his mother. </p><p>He stands just off the porch as you walk towards Poe, calmly, watches you reach out a hand once you’re close enough. Poe scoops you up, crushing you to his chest in a hug. His eyes watch Kylo the entire time. Poe presses a kiss to your lips before opening the passenger door, letting you slide into the seat.</p><p>“Wait, my backpack!”</p><p>You call just before the door is closed, and Poe snaps his head to Kylo again.</p><p>Kylo turns to walk back into his house, snatches his keys from the inside table and points them to his car, unlocking it. </p><p>You’re back out now, ass sticking out from his back seat as you bend down to grab your bag. Kylo’s there too, one hand on the car door and the other on your hip casually, pulling away as you sling your bag over your shoulder. He hugs you, too, bumps the door shut with his hip as you trot back to Poe’s car, the passenger door still open. </p><p>He turns back to the house quietly, ignoring the couple now.</p><p>“I thought you were studying.” He hears Poe remark, the jealousy clear in his voice.</p><p>Kylo shuts the door before he can hear your reply. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>He finds your bra later, still draped on his bedside table where you’d left it. He wonders if Poe asked you about it. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>The music is drowning out his thoughts. </p><p>He watches Rey pack the bowl, watches Finn fiddle with his phone as he queues up the next song, commandeering the music away from Kylo’s sad boy shit. He watches him laugh, point at a song and whisper to his boyfriend and Kylo’s fist clenches. He knows they’re not laughing at him, but his music taste was something intimate. Finn clicks it anyway and the song plays through the speakers around the couch. Kylo likes this one.</p><p>Rey’s done, has taken a hit and blown the smoke into the air. The room is a bit hazier, reflecting green from the stupid led lights you had convinced him to put up. They’re nice, he admits, adds to the ambiance of the get-together.</p><p>They still bug him. </p><p>The bong is pushed into his hand and Kylo startles, has to tear his eyes away from where they had landed on you. You’re in his armchair, on Poe’s lap, wearing a pretty floral skirt that rides up your thighs. Kylo wants to stick his head beneath it. He takes a hit anyway, inhales deep and blows out smoke. Catches your eyes as he watches you, offers you the bong. You shake your head no.</p><p> Poe hates the taste of weed. Can barely stomach the smell. </p><p>Kylo grinds his teeth, remembers you high and soft against his side, relaxed and warm. He passes it to Finn instead, watches him suck in smoke and push it into Josh’s mouth. They’re kissing, sharing air, and Kylo looks away. </p><p>Hux gets up then, from his place on the floor beside him and presses the v of his fingers up to his lips. Poe catches the gesture and stands, slides out from under you, and grabs his cigarettes off the coffee table. They go out back, Kylo would never let them smoke <em> that </em> in his house. The kitchen door closes behind them. The piece has made its way back to him and he forgoes another hit to offer it to you again, watches your eyes flit to the kitchen door and back to him. There’s a mischievous glint in them and you nod, moving towards the couch.</p><p>The love seat is packed, Kylo knows that as his thigh moves against Rey’s, but he pats his leg anyway to encourage your seat. You do, resting on his wide thighs to lean your mouth over the bong, sucking in and bubbling up the water. Kylo reaches his hand around you, flicks on the lighter, and heats the bowl, watches the smoke climb up the glass tube. He lets it build for a second before pulling it up, releasing the smoke into your lungs as fast as you can manage. You pull back to let it out, sitting square on Kylo’s lap. He can feel the heat of you against him, feels the way you grind against his crotch.</p><p>You cough, the hit was too big, but Finn cheers you on anyway. Kylo’s chest rumbles with a laugh as you choke, Rey reaches for her hydro flask. </p><p>The coolness of water meets your throat and you groan, taking a quick sip before coughing again. Kylo knows you’re fucked, knows you haven’t smoked in a while and that this might just get you too high. You stay on his lap.</p><p>Kylo takes another hit, scootches you to the edge of his knees so he can get the angle right. The smoke fans around your head as he exhales and leans back into the couch, wraps his fingers around your hips and hauls you into his chest again. He’s feeling looser, he feels good. Has to focus on keeping control of his brain. He’s hypersensitive now, too, can only focus on one thing at a time. He reminds himself to breathe, feels the warmth of you on his lap, curls his fingers a little possessively. His leg is slightly damp, he notices that next, notices the way you move against his thigh as you talk to Finn across the room. </p><p>He wonders if you’re wearing panties. </p><p>“Kylo, Jesus-“ </p><p>He hears Rey say, and he lobs his head over to look at her. Had she been talking to him this whole time, he couldn’t be sure. </p><p>“They’re coming back, you might want to get her off your lap.”</p><p>His eyebrows scrunch in confusion, looking around your body to see the back door opening back up. He can see Hux’s head, turned as he talks to someone else.</p><p>Someone.</p><p>Poe.</p><p>His grip on you tightens again but you don’t notice, don’t notice your <em> boyfriend </em> coming back into the house. You’re still talking to Finn. </p><p>Kylo decides to get up, he realizes he’s maybe too high to engage in a fistfight, knows his reactions are too slow. He moves to stand, quickly, lets you slide off his lap in a panic as he goes. He doesn’t let you fall, just moves you so you’re the one sitting on the loveseat. You curl around Rey then, wrapping yourself around her arm and leaning your head on her shoulder immediately. </p><p>Kylo thinks, momentarily, that you’re going to kiss her. </p><p>And you do. So gently and tenderly, your tongue slips into Rey's mouth and the girl gratefully accepts it.</p><p>Kylo’s pants tighten as he watches, forgets what he’s doing. </p><p>Rey pulls away with a laugh, smoothes a gentle hand on your cheek and whispers something to you. Kylo watches you listen, watches you nod carefully and press another kiss to Rey’s chin. Your eyes are soft and needy and Kylo wants you to look at <em> him </em> like that. Wants to kiss you again.</p><p>Poe clears his throat, back into the living room, and Kylo unfreezes, turns as if he’s been caught. He knows he’s done nothing wrong, knows Poe’s okay with you kissing girls, but his nervousness doesn’t ease.</p><p>“Can I sit down?”</p><p>He asks, and Kylo’s confused again. Why would he need <em> his </em>permission to sit-</p><p>Kylo moves then, steps out of the circle of couches and armchairs and realizes he had blocked the seat Poe had occupied. He nods, moves towards the kitchen slowly before turning back around and scanning his friends. They were all minding their business, chatting amongst themselves or looking at their phones.</p><p>“Anyone want another drink?”</p><p>He hears himself call, though he’s not sure how he managed to say it loud enough </p><p>“Can you grab me another beer?”</p><p>It’s Poe again, Kylo slowly processes, and he squints at him, now farther away than just seconds ago. How many beers had he had already, three, four? Kylo couldn’t remember, but he did remember that he was your ride home. Poe couldn’t take you home if he was drunk.</p><p> Maybe you would stay here with him. </p><p>He brings back a beer, some shot glasses too. He hands the beer to Poe as he goes, sliding behind the coffee table as smoothly as he can. He sits on the floor in front of the couch, smack dab in between you and Rey, and shudders as he feels your fingers in his hair. He knows he’s a little sweaty, the house was warm and filled with bodies and he always ran hot anyway. You don’t seem to mind, just comb your cold fingers through his hair again, rub against his scalp. Kylo revels in the feeling for a second longer, wishes you would cool his skin somewhere else, and sets the new shot glasses on the table beside the few that were already there. </p><p>He makes work of the handle of vodka there too, unscrews the top, and messily pours seven shots with varying degrees of accuracy. Hands them out to his friends one by one, gives Josh the fullest one just for fun. He doesn’t move too far, just enough to keep your fingers tangled in his hair. You tug on it lightly as he moves back and Kylo lets out a groan of pleasure he didn’t know was bubbling. You giggle, move your hands away and reach around him for the shot he’d poured for you. </p><p>Kylo hands one to Hux next, who has an eyebrow quirked at the sound he made. There’s glitter in Hux’s eyes and Kylo knows he’s thinking about kissing him. They had before, but for now Kylo only wants to kiss you. </p><p>Once everyone has their hands full of alcohol Kylo checks to make sure everyone is ready, takes the lead on clinking his glass with whoever is closest to him and taps it onto the table before shooting it. The vodka warms his throat as he swallows, shivers a little at the taste, and he listens to everyone else groan.</p><p>It’s two hours later and the party is winding down. </p><p>Kylo closes the door behind Hux, watches him through the window as he hauls Josh and Finn into his backseat to drive them home. He waves as they drive away. Walking back into his home Kylo takes stock, nudges the bathroom door open to see Poe slumped on the carpet, toilet seat flipped up and bowl full of vomit. His nose shrivels up as he steps around the man on his floor, leans over to flush it clear and then back to rinse his hand. He lets them drip on Poe for a second, shakes his hand dry, before turning off the light. </p><p>He can sleep there for the night, Kylo doesn’t mind. </p><p>He passes Rey’s room, knocks gently before opening the door to peek in. She’s in bed, lamp on and hand draped over her eyes. Kylo goes and moves the trash can near her head, snips the light off and closes the door behind him. His living room isn’t bad, a little messy but nothing he minds. The lights are purple now, he can’t remember who changed them or when, but he likes them more like this. He shuts off the music, lets the house be quiet for the first time all night, and scoops up the empty shot glasses they left out. One is still full, Kylo knows it was Rey’s and he shoots that too just cause. He’s warm again.</p><p>He steps into the kitchen to drop them into the sink, startles as he sees a shadow next to the fridge. </p><p>“Sorry-“ You whisper across the darkness, taking a loud breath as you pull away from your half-full glass of water. You had been chugging it. </p><p>“It’s okay.” Kylo replies, turning his back to you to put the glasses in the sink. He runs the water a little to give his hands something to do. He’s not washing them.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>He asks quietly, and he’s not sure you heard him over the sink. “Yeah,” you reply, “still feeling a little high but I’m comfortable.” He nods in agreement, hums too, before shutting off the water, drying his hands with a tea towel. He turns to look at you then, it’s dark in the kitchen but light leaks from the living room, the streetlight from across the backyard is lit too. </p><p>The silence that creeps in again isn’t uncomfortable, but Kylo is antsy. The last shot he took is still warm in his belly and the light is framing you in such a beautiful way that he’s afraid he might say something stupid. He steps up to you, gently, and pushes some hair behind your ear, letting his hand linger there. You keen into his touch, closing your eyes at the softness and hum your encouragement. Your face is titled up towards his and Kylo can’t stop himself.</p><p>He kisses you, pulls you flush against him with his hands at the small of your back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pull him down closer to your lips. He kisses and kisses and kisses and kisses you until he has to pull away for air, leans his forehead against yours to catch his breath. There’s want shimmering under his skin, he craves every part of you. He can imagine it now, pressing you up against the fridge, sliding down his pants and sinking his cock into you. Imagines letting you grasp onto his shoulders as he fucks up into your warm warm wet-</p><p>Kylo kisses you again, with more vigor, hooks his hands around your thighs and lifts you to wrap them around his hips. They’re damp to the touch, he doesn’t look but he’s sure your panties are missing, have been all night. He grinds into you, pressed against the fridge like he’d imagined, kisses you and sucks your tongue into his mouth. One hand presses next to your head, holds up his weight and yours as he goes to unbutton his pants with the other. </p><p>You don’t stop him, not as he pulls away and searches your eyes for a no, not as he slides his boxers over his hips to free his cock. It’s hot in his hand again, and his knuckles bump your warmth as he strokes himself. You’re held up by his hips still, his other hand moving to your waist in desperation. </p><p>“Can I fuck you?” He begs, the sound so soft and from the bottom of his throat. A line of spit drops from his mouth and lands in his palm, slickens up his cock as he rubs it against you, feels the wetness of your center. </p><p>“Please, please let me fuck you, I need to feel you, please.”</p><p>He whispers your name next, right against the pulse on your neck, drags his tongue there for extra measure. You moan in pleasure, head swimming and body so so sensitive. You’re too muddled to think past the feeling of him grinding against you, past the feeling of his cock pressed to your clit. Kylo whimpers again, slides the head of himself against your entrance, smears the wetness across it. He begs again, for you to let him feel you, to let him fill you. He’s desperate for it, wants to claim you, wants to make you his.</p><p>The <em>yes</em> you moan out is music to his ears, he feels the pressure build in his stomach. Suddenly he doesn’t know what to do, mind scrambled from the imagined pleasure he will finally get to experience. Kylo nips at your neck, sucks at the skin a little as he gets a hold himself.</p><p>He enters you, slides his cock past your entrance into the pearly gates of heaven. You’re so tight around him, so so wet, and he gasps and bites into your shoulder at the feeling. He knows you feel it too, so full of him. Kylo knows he’s big, longer than average and thick too, knows that he’s stretching you as he pushes forward. He fucks a gasp out of you, feels your hands scramble for purchase against his back as he pushes deeper.</p><p>He’s bottomed out, deep inside and holding still, so still, afraid that he’d cum too fast at the pleasure of being inside. Your hips roll against him, intentional or not, and Kylo crushes you closer to him, impossibly closer at the feeling of you. Your body is shaking with pleasure, you’re so full and so tingly and so transported to another place because his cock is wrapped tight within you and if he doesn’t move you just might</p><p>Kylo pulls back, moves his hips away from yours before snapping back, pressing into you again. He doesn’t stop, keeps up this rhythm he’s begun of fucking you into the fridge, of emptying you almost completely before giving you more of him. He groans against you, quietly, knows that it’d probably be best to keep it that way. But your pussy is so wet, the slick sound of you fills the kitchen quickly. He doesn’t stop, lets the slap of his skin against yours join that sound too. </p><p><em> I love her </em> he thinks, I love her. She’s perfect around me, so tight and wet and fuck <em> fuck </em> he thinks he might cum if he thinks too hard about how good</p><p>He drops his hand to your skirt, yanks it up a bit more so it's only sitting around your waist. His fingers find your clit, slick with sex, and he rubs it in zig zags, keeping his pace consistent with his thrusts. If he can make you come, make you writhe around his cock and squeeze him so tight, he can come. Only if. You shudder against him as the pleasure intensifies, throw your head back against the fridge with a sound too loud to not be painful. Kylo rubs your clit faster, grinds himself into the perfect spot against you and doesn’t stop, fucking groans and moans out of you and</p><p>He feels you cum, feels you tighten up impossibly more around him and cry out too loud. He jolts at the sound, at the feeling, wraps his hand around your throat instinctively to pull you harder down against his cock. He’s so close, smothered in the feeling of you you you and then </p><p>“Don’t, don’t cum in me-“ Your voice is choked, pressed tight by his palm but still panicked, and Kylo has to focus to hear what you’re saying. Gods, he’s so close he can taste it, can feel his balls tighten up against his</p><p>“Kylo!” You said firmly, breathlessly. He hears you this time, focuses his eyes back on you for a shaky second. You scramble against his arms and he’s confused, slows down though he’s so close to finishing inside of you. He wants nothing more to watch it drip down your thighs, wants to feed it back into your pussy with his fingers as it spills out, wants to dip them in your mouth so you can</p><p>He pulls out at the last second, empties himself against your thighs with a cry that he buries into your shoulder. His teeth are sharp there, he can’t help himself but suck a bruise into your skin. Kylo’s hips still, he’s shaky from holding up your weight, weak from the force of his own orgasm. He breathes heavily, doesn’t move his face from your neck as he comes down, realizes where he is and what he’s done. He slides you down the fridge then, back to your feet. Wets the tea towel and gets on his knees to wipe at your legs where he came. He presses a kiss to your thigh, stands, and presses a kiss to your forehead as he throws the towel back in the direction of the sink.</p><p>You’re still soft against him, pliant, body slumped with tiredness or highness or from your orgasm, he doesn’t know. He wants to pull another from you. For now, he slides your skirt back down your hips, tucks a sweaty strand behind your ear and kisses you again. You let him, wrap your hand into his hair and kiss him with everything you’ve got left. Kylo feels it, what the kiss means, and his heart thumps wildly in his chest. He pulls away, almost doesn’t, but grabs your hand to guide you into his room. He strips you, lets his hand trace over your body as he slips his sleep shirt over your head. He knows the smell envelops you, watches you snuggle into it as you plop into his bed.</p><p>He forgoes any extra clothing, strips down to his boxers and pulls your back flush against his front. His cock is soft now, sensitive, but he grinds it against you anyway, reminds you of what he’s given you. What he wants to keep giving. His hand teases your side under the blanket, dips up and down your hips, across your tummy. You let it rest on your breast, let him squeeze gently as he breathes in the scent of your hair. Kylo’s lips find your neck before he turns you again, laying you flat on your back so he can kiss your mouth too. He’s gentle this time, caresses your face and holds you close, licks at your bottom lip until you let him in. He can focus now, taste the alcohol left on your tongue, know you taste his too. </p><p>Kylo pulls away, lets you snuggle back into your little spoon and plays with your hair instead. He feels you drift into sleep, doesn’t stop his motions in the slightest until your weight rests heavy against the bed. He kisses your neck again, careful not to wake you, and puts his head on his pillow.</p><p>He’s asleep before he can think of anything else. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>When Kylo wakes again he’s cold. There’s sunlight streaming from his window (it burns his eyes as he tries to open them) but it’s not enough protection from the morning chill. You’re wrapped up in his comforter, no doubt. In the times you’d had sleepovers he had always remembered to grab an extra blanket for occasions like this, but his mind had been foggy from sex and drugs and </p><p>you</p><p>He yawns, realizes how stiff and dry his mouth is as it moves, knows his breath must be terrible. He reaches his hand out in your direction, content to stir you awake for morning kisses.</p><p>His hand touches nothing. </p><p>Kylo shoots up, head swimming from last night’s drinks and he can’t focus for a second as his brain rights itself. His comforter is on the floor, he stretches across to pick it up. Where were you? He leans against the headboard, thinks for a second. He’s hazy but he’s sure it wasn’t a dream. Not sure enough but...still. He thinks of pressing you against the fridge, of you wrapped so tight around</p><p>There’s a knock on his door, and Kylo is quick to drape the comforter across his lap. </p><p>“Hey, you alright dude?” It’s Rey, her eyes are puffy and hair tied up into buns. She’s got a cup of coffee in her hand that she pushes into Kylo’s, he accepts it and sips, lets it burn his mouth a little. Rey lets him be quiet, rubs more sleep from her eyes as she waits for his response.</p><p>“Where’s Y/N?”</p><p>“And Poe?” She finishes, watches him peer guiltily over his cup. He nods, and Rey is satisfied with him for now. </p><p>“I don’t know, they must have left pretty early. What time did you go to bed?”</p><p>“Three.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p>“Almost Eight.”</p><p>Kylo’s brow furrowed in confusion at the admission. It was too early for him to be awake and somehow you were already gone. Rey had been up long enough to make coffee so if she hadn’t seen them they’d have to be gone early. </p><p>“You okay?” Rey asks again, watching his face warp in thought. Kylo said nothing this time, brought his eyes to hers and nodded, dropped the coffee onto his side table. He was tenser, she saw that.</p><p>He would talk when he was ready. </p><p>Kylo watched the door snip behind her, let himself collapse against the bed with a shaky breath. Head buried under the comforter, he brought his knees up to his chest, taking a breath so deep he felt his ribs expand. </p><p>He cries.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Kylo sees you again two days later. He knew he would, you always passed him between classes on Monday. He thinks about going a different way, about walking around the library to avoid you but his next class is in 5 minutes and there just isn’t time. You had texted him since that morning, four times. He ignored every one, even the tik tok of the frog you sent him. He watched it and cried but didn’t respond. </p><p>He looks everywhere but where he knows your head will be, tries to walk through the courtyard quickly in case you hadn’t left your building yet. You’re there, standing by the statue in front of the art building and searching for him. He looks away before you can catch his gaze, but he knows you’ve seen him. </p><p>“Kylo!” You yell across the heads of people, the crowd is sparse but he still bristles at your volume. He has to walk past you anyway, there’s no other way to his building. He stops in front of you, watches you step down from the platform of the statue so you rest at your normal height. </p><p>“Hello-“ He says noncommittally, crossing his arms in front of his chest.</p><p>“Why haven’t you been answering my texts?”</p><p>“I was busy this weekend.”</p><p>“Doing what?”</p><p>“Things.”</p><p>You shift your weight, watching his face. Kylo is looking at you but his eyes are somewhere far away, his mind elsewhere. </p><p>“Hello, can you actually look at me?”</p><p>Kylo focuses now, sees your forehead wrinkled with disappointment or confusion or something. He breathes out a puff of air, checks his watch, three minutes until class. </p><p>“I’ve got to go-“ he begins, turning his back quickly, but your hand on his arm stops him. You’re not strong enough to pull him but he moves backward anyway. </p><p>“Can I take you to lunch after class?”</p><p>He thinks for a second, wonders what it’d be like to tell you no for the first time ever. He thinks of waking up cold on Saturday, of the way you felt against him on Friday. He’s lost in his thoughts for a second more, doesn’t notice the way your hand reaches up to push some hair behind his ear.</p><p>“I’ll see you soon.” He answers, pulls away from your hold and goes into the art building. Kylo barely focuses through his class, he watches the professor demo a watercolor technique they’re using for the next project but has little interest in replicating it. His deskmate is chatting, always is, as they work and usually Kylo doesn’t mind it.</p><p>He snaps at her anyway. Puts his headphones in to miss whatever hurt apology she offers in response. He tries to focus on his painting for the next hour, recreating a photo he’d taken of his bedroom, but by the end of class his colors are muddy and Kylo has half a mind to rip the work into pieces. He doesn’t, he rolls it into a tube and wraps one of your hair ties around it, sticks it into the pocket on the side of his bag and walks out of class. You're there waiting against the opposite wall, hand raised to your mouth as you chew your nails. Kylo looks tired, circles under his eyes deeper than usual, his hair is a mess too. He’s still a vision. </p><p>He lets you drag him to the sub, lets you buy him two slices of pizza before sitting down by the big window. The chatter is quieter here, fewer people around, and he tries not to slump in his seat.</p><p>“You okay?” You offer, taking a bite from your pizza and watching him carefully. He mumbles something in response, picks a piece of pepperoni off his slice, and pops it in his mouth. It’s greasy, and Kylo lets the flavor linger in his mouth. He hadn’t eaten breakfast today. He takes a full bite this time, then another, another. Anything to avoid talking first, to avoid whatever fuss you’re ready to start. You eat too, take a drink of water before sitting back in your seat to really look at him again. Kylo watches you adjust your shirt, pull down the off the shoulder straps a little. He sees the bruise he left on Friday, the one his lips and teeth made as he-</p><p>“Poe’s film festival thing is this weekend.”</p><p>Poe, you started with Poe. He grunts in acknowledgment, still eating. </p><p>“You wanna come with me? I don’t want to sit alone and he has to be on stage for the talkback portion.”</p><p>Kylo thinks about telling you no again. Of yelling at you for leaving him, for dragging him along wherever you want him. He wants to cry a bit too, but he doesn’t.</p><p>“I don’t know-” He tries gently, grabbing a napkin to wipe grease from his mouth. You watch him expectantly, “Can’t Hux sit with you, they’re in the same program aren’t they?” He knows they are, has heard Hux talk about it a billion times before.</p><p>“Well, yes he is but he’s a part of the film too! Please Kylo, <em> please </em>?”</p><p>That one was too soft, too close to begging. You bite your lip as he stares at you, he knows his face is blank despite the war in his head. </p><p>“C’mon it will be fun, I don’t have anyone else to ask and you like movies anyway. I just don’t want to sit by myself, Logan will be there too and-”</p><p>He doesn’t hear the end of your sentence, he’s momentarily blinded by rage as you mention his name. Kylo hates Poe, sure, but he hates Logan even more.</p><p>“That fucking slimeball-”</p><p>He seethes quickly, you tense at his tone and he remembers to ease off, be gentler about it. You nod in response,  but he sees your eyes tear up slightly in desperation. Gods don’t cry, <em> please don’t cry. </em> He begs the universe, knows that if you cry he’ll be too weak to stand up for himself. You do, only a little, a tear slips free and he watches its trail down your cheek. Kylo’s quick to lean over and swipe it with his thumb, to keep his hand against your cheek for a second longer than he should. He looks at you, really looks, feels his resolve crumble more and more.</p><p>“What time?”</p><p> </p><p>__</p><p> </p><p>Poe was horrible, just horrible. The talkback begins and Kylo feels himself roll his eyes, stretch his neck a bit as Poe begins to talk about the filming process. Kylo doesn’t listen, lets his eyes peek over to you.</p><p>You're sat beside him, pretty dress on and hair done. Kylo had the mind to dress up too but couldn’t find the energy to care about Poe’s <em> film </em> that much. He didn’t care at all, to be honest. He had watched too many fake deep short films, seen too many cocky students rave about their process and the struggles of movie making in this time. He’d had enough. You watched intently, always did, mesmerized by Poe’s every word. </p><p>Kylo is startled as the clapping begins, and his eyes dart around the theater, he had zoned out. He claps too, watches Poe plunk off stage, Hux and two other guys he didn’t care about follow down. You stand then, Kylo’s eyes zero in on the exposed skin below your dress. His mouth waters at the way the fabric breezes your thighs. </p><p>“Baby,” He hears you call, watches you scoot out from between the seats to throw your arms around Poe. “You did wonderfully.” You say, and Kylo watches you press your hands to Poe’s cheeks. He looks away before you can kiss him. </p><p>Kylo stands too, decides that he’ll be a part of the commotion as other audience members begin to stand and leave the room. Maybe he can say something quick and disappear into the crowd. He prays he can. </p><p>“Good job man,” He begins, shaking Poe’s hand and nodding towards the others. “Didn’t know you directed <em> and </em> acted.” Poe shrugs, too modestly to be honest, and smiles at him anyway. </p><p>“Glad you could make it Kylo, thanks for sitting with her.” Kylo just grunts in response, glances over to where you’re talking to some friend from a different class animatedly. </p><p>He decides to leave then. Doesn’t say goodbye or try and stick around for finger foods and shitty wine. He’s halfway out the door when a hand grabs him and he jolts. </p><p>It’s Hux. </p><p>“You liked the film?” He asks hopefully, and Kylo lets him pull him into the lobby and out of the way of traffic. </p><p>“Yeah, it was good, sounded really crisp.” He didn’t know what the fuck he was saying, just knew that Hux held the boom or some shit that he couldn’t even-</p><p>“Oh yeah, thanks, the boat scene was really interesting to try and-”</p><p>The rest of his sentence is lost, Kylo can’t focus again, his collar feeling hot as more people pour into the lobby. He sees you, briefly, still wrapped around Poe as he makes rounds, and his heart aches like it did before. He watches you laugh, watches the grip around your waist tighten possessively. You don’t look his way, probably didn’t even realize he had left. <em> Gods </em> he hurts. </p><p>kylo</p><p>“Kylo-”</p><p>He's disoriented as he looks back over to Hux, whose eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. “Did you even hear what I said?”</p><p>He should feel embarrassed, knows he should, or at least bad, but his hands are trembling and the room is too warm.</p><p>“No man, I’m sorry, can you repeat it?”</p><p>He knows his voice is too level, too uncaring, he knows Hux can hear it. Kylo’s eyes dart everywhere before landing back on the redhead, who looks more frustrated than before.</p><p>“Are you coming to Poe’s, after, to hang?”</p><p>Kylo forgot about that, forgot that you had mentioned it during intermission and invited him last minute. <em> Yeah right </em>, he would be going to hang out with Poe and his pretentious, film bro friends. </p><p>“I don’t think so Hux, I’ve got an essay due tonight that I haven’t even started.”</p><p>He knows Hux is asking for himself, knows what the proximity between the two means. Kylo hadn’t even realized he was backed into the wall, Hux barely a foot away. He realizes, then, that he’s still holding his hand, yanks it back without thinking. Hux looks like he’s been shot. There’s pain in the furrow of his brow that Kylo does not want to evaluate, knows he caused it anyway.</p><p>He shuffles to his left, slides away from the wall and mumbles a sorry as he leaves, rushing through the crowd to find the exit. He feels trapped, claustrophobic, can feel the anxiety claw its way up his throat even as he rushes outside. It’s cold, too cold, but the wind centers him. Kylo sucks in the freezing air, lets it burn his chest as he inhales and has to stop to lean over, catch his breath. He feels the panic trickling into his system, tries to halt it, counts backward from ten and breathes as deeply as he can. His hands are still shaking, could be from the cold, but he feels the pressure lessen on his chest.     </p><p>He drives home nervous, tries to focus on the road as he goes, as it gets blurry with tears. </p><p>He makes it home, hears his keys crash into the dish on the front table but doesn’t pause to check if he’s finally cracked it. Rey made it in pottery class. <em> Rey. </em></p><p>She’s in the hallway in the next second, sees Kylo lumber down it, dazed, and moves carefully towards him. He barely notices her movement, lets her guide him to the couch and push him down. She gets him a glass of water, which he drinks too quickly, and then she’s sitting next to him, pulling him down into her lap so she can smooth the hair from his face.</p><p>He’s still crying, hadn’t noticed the tears before Rey wiped them off. She pets through his hair then, scratches her nails into his scalp until he can get his breathing under control. She hums, it’s some song Kylo remembers from first grade about mice or something, and he thinks maybe he should call his mom soon, too. </p><p>“Are you ready to talk?”</p><p>She asks quietly, not pausing her comforting. Kylo sniffles, knows he’s probably gotten snot all over her jeans but doesn’t care enough to check. He inhales deeply, smells that she’s just cooked something or something’s waiting in the oven and his stomach growls too.</p><p>“It’s Y/N,” he breathes out, tucking his hands under his armpits for warmth.</p><p>“I know,” Rey says, and <em> she knows? </em> How does she fucking know? He had been so careful, quiet, always had been, was so wrapped up in his world that he didn’t even realize anyone else would notice. </p><p><em> Of course she would </em>-</p><p>“I know you, Kylo.” Rey continues, knows his silence is confusion. “I see the way you look at her, the way you talk to her, it’s okay.”</p><p>It’s not okay, Kylo knows she knows that, <em> he </em> knows that.</p><p>“I can’t get her out of my head, she’s always there…” He begins, doesn’t quite know where he’ll go. He kicks his shoes off so he can curl all the way onto the absurdly small couch, so he doesn’t have to look at her while-</p><p>“And we’ve… done things, I know she’s with Poe but I just, I know she doesn’t love him, I know she wants me too.”</p><p>Rey’s hands freeze, Kylo knows she’s judging him now, knows what she must be calling him in her head. The weight he had lifted returns, and Kylo stiffens before he moves to sit up. Her hand pushes him back down, he’s stuck on her lap with her fingers returning to his hair. “Don’t run,” she warns, settles back into the couch more comfortably and Kylo feels her stomach expand with breath.</p><p> “Keep talking.” </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh god...there's more I promise. please be gentle, I'd love some feedback/general thoughts.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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